He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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