Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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