So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
