The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
