I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
