Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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