Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
