hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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