so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
