She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
