The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
