I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
