why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
