you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
