Just mADE A PArabola og urine
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
