so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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