And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
