The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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