My brain says no but my pants say off.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
