ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
someone owes me an orgasm
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
