: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
