this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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