If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
