We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
