Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
