I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
