Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
