I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
