We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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