i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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