I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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