so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
