I just threw up on my dentist
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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