I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
