Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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