Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
