I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
