R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
