Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
