OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
