Girls should come with a carfax report
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh god it's open bar.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
