Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
