I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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