Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
how drunk are you?
Several
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
