dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
