im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
