he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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