the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
