omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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