Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
