Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
