"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
